6 months, how do you feel ?

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When he was born I felt like I couldn’t breathe. This little thing was mine. It was my duty to take care of him for the rest of my life. So much responsibility. My heart just melted when I held him- there are no words for this feeling. It felt like a void had been filled in my heart to the poitn of overflowing.  He was crying when they weighed him and the second they brought him to me to see, he stopped. I was his mom. I was actually someone’s mom.

It’s been 6 months since little Baylen came into our lives and  I can’t imagine life without him.  My life has changed in ways I never thought it could. For starters, there is way more love in our home. My husband and I dedicate everything to our little wonder; every ounce of what we do is for him.

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I temporarily let go of my career , which was one of the best decisions I have ever made. It felt like I cut off my leg at first. I was lost without the news and my phone. I felt like a fish out of water just wriggling around unable to concentrate.

I have taken a step back now and realized that, the world is still my oyster and I am not done  with my professional life yet. There are classes to take AND teach, places to see and new media to pitch for a new clients. I learned that – THE WORLD WILL NOT END IF HOLLY JOHNSON IS NOT WORKING. I can’t tell you what the cover story was for Network World this week, or the latest legislation to pass at the White House, Allure’s top beauty picks or even the top convos on Twitter, but I can tell you that Baylen had sweet potatoes and loved them. I can tell you what is on sale this week and where to find the coupon. I can also do something called baking- from scratch!~

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I dreaded the term ‘stay at home mom.’ I heard the word and thought of it as a disease that I would never get. I remember being in highschool and crying when someone said that they saw my future as a SAHM wearing macaroni necklaces. I now know there is more to being a SAHM than I  could have ever fathomed. I am grateful that I have had the opportunity to give my child my undivided attention for six months. It has been a blast.  I will not be a SAHM forever, but I will look back at this time fondly. I got to see my son grow up day by day. I watched him learn to smile and suck his thumb. I see him get frustrated by new toys and drift off in his swing.

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The past 6 months have by no means been rosey; there have been a ton of tears, but-there is nothing like holding that little body close to mine to rock him to sleep, knowing that he is content and safe.  I get to watch each breath he takes and every tear shed when he is tired. I see the smiles and the dirty diapers. There have been many ups and downs and we have become the king and queen of living with less. I learned to breastfeed in a car for christ sake!

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Breastfeeding has to be one of the hardest things I have ever done. When Bay was born he had what is called a ‘tongue-tie,’ which we now know if quite common. He came out and just wouldn’t nurse for the life of him.

All the nurses and lactation specialists said he was starving and that he needed a bottle. I refused. I knew that it wasn’t right for him. (Bear in mind, I know that many infants thrive on formula and I see nothing wrong with it. I wanted Bay to nurse for personal reasons, and you should feel comfortable with whatever works for you and your baby.) I fought them and would not give him a bottle. He did recieve formula from a tube, finger feeding.

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After we brought home our little 6 pounder we finger fed him for almost a week. My husband and I were on the verge of divorce. We fought all the time and were irritable. It was so stressful and I remember thinking the crying would never end. ( Mine not his) He had his tongue tie fixed but it was still a long week before he was nursing properly.

I will never forget the day he finally latched on. My little wrinkly baby finally learned to eat, and boy did he ever. He started putting on weight like a champ and thrived.

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I will admit to experiencing depression, I envy the moms that don’t. There is always this crazy feeling of being swept up in what I like to call ‘ baby frenzy.’ The nursery isn’t clean enough, does he have the latest and greatest?, the ” that is not how to change a diaper” lecture at my husband land so forth. Through the help of my husband, new mom friends, playgroup and the public library I am coping.

I don’t know what’s up next, but I welcome new challenges of parenting. I am ecstatic to be a mom and love my little one. How lucky we are to have him!

IMG_1488 HAPPY 6 months of life little Baylen of mine!

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2 Comments »

  1. jjlocant said

    This is beautiful!

  2. SCaraballo said

    Loved reading this!

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